im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
