I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
