sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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