Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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