its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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