Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
