There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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