I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
