Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
