Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
