i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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