Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
