some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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