Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
