I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
