I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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