she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
