im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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