In the future we'll all be gay
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
