My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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