Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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