We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
