Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
