The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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