She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
