Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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