im six kinds of drunk right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
