hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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