There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
