just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
