What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
