did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
