so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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