its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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