My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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