let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
