happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
