Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
