went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
