i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
