So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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