I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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