I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
