Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
