Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They took my balls.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
