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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

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• (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  wtf

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.

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