Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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