So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
