i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
