happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
