I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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